June 18, 2009

Not So Silent

It's mid-June and people are still writing some very impressive posts related to Silence Is the Enemy. They're worth the read.

  • Jason has a good rundown of the situation with our shared troll. Fascinating that someone would claim to be doing this to help raise awareness of rape but never consider that consent might be an important factor.
  • ScienceWoman totally stole my idea of using music, right down to using one of the same songs. Not that she knew I was planning to or anything.
  • Also at ScienceWomen, Alice put up a reminder that sexual assault is not just an "over there" problem. It's a problem we all share.
  • And Toaster is doing a fascinating series on the ways men are not helping other men to be part of the solution. I'd point out that he's missing the ways that women aren't helping men, but this time around, if he wants it to be about the guys, so be it.
Update: The above comment about Toaster's series is in no way meant to imply that he should be writing about anything else. It's more a wry observation about who is attending to what where in this discussion. Nonetheless, he's on it.

22 comments:

D. C. said...

I'd point out that he's missing the ways that women aren't helping men, but this time around, if he wants it to be about the guys, so be it.

That's the problem with discussing rape -- it's not something that generalizes well to an impersonal "patriarchy." Somewhere there's always a very personal man involved.

Toaster Sunshine said...

PING!

CyberLizard said...

That whole thing Jason was talking about twisted my poor little brain into knots and I dropped out early. I'm way too literal for those kinds of fucking mind games. I'm pissed that I actually sort of defended him (the douchebag, not Jason) early on in the kerfuffle.

Side note: Firefox actually has "kerfuffle" in its dictionary and prevented me from embarrassing myself.

Side-side note: Firefox also tells me that douchebag should be two words, but I don't care.

Jason Thibeault said...

He was playing headgames with all of us, so it's no surprise you didn't escape unscathed. No damage done. And anyway, that whole argument that twisted your brain, well, I was obviously not terribly cogent through much of it myself. And I'm definitely not saying I was blame-free for being a douche now and then... just never to his level.

D. C. said...

I'm definitely not saying I was blame-free for being a douche now and then... just never to his level.

Practice, Jason, practice. It's amazing what you can do if you try hard enough and keep at it.

Currently, I'm afraid you're not really in the "talented amateur" league yet.

And I confess to dropping out early as well. The whole tone of the exchange just had "downward spiral" vibes for me and life is too short.

Stephanie Zvan said...

CyberLizard, never apologize for empathy, even if it gets used against you. And douchebag is definitely one word. Firefox gave you two words it did know instead.

Jason, it takes time among the trolls to develop those downward spiral vibes D.C. is talking about (seriously, you should see what he endures sometimes). Two clues: when someone starts telling you why your opinion would never matter anyway and when you find yourself in a different argument than you were in the last time you commented. Both tell you it's more about someone else winning than it is about having any kind of conversation.

D. C. said...

CyberLizard, never apologize for empathy, even if it gets used against you.

Seconding Stephanie: the only way to avoid getting hurt is to stop feeling, and the only way to avoid being hurt by your connection to others is to stop connecting.

Which interestingly brings us right back around to Toaster's blog on what I call the Superman Syndrome. If you'll take advice from someone who (I gather) has been around the Sun a few times more than you have:

Cry. Laugh. Get hurt. Don't let anyone tell you "big boys don't cry." If a woman can't handle the fact that you're not made of stone, find someone else -- because life's too short to stop feeling or for hiding your feelings.

I've done a lot of things wrong as a father, but I hope that my kids learned a better lesson from me than that "Dad is tough:" I hope they learned that Dad can be hurt -- badly -- and still keep doing what needs doing. Even with tears.

CyberLizard said...

This made me cry today: http://www.ocregister.com/articles/pixar-up-movie-2468059-home-show

Stephanie Zvan said...

Oh, yes. That's an entirely different kind of work-unsafe.

rystefn said...

when someone starts telling you why your opinion would never matter anyway

...doesn't that smell a little like "It's not about you"?

Stephanie Zvan said...

No. It's the difference between, "Who'd listen to you?" and "You're off topic."

CyberLizard said...

Fuck off, shit-for-brains (aka Rystefn). I'm not as nice or eloquent as some folks around here.

rystefn said...

Ideally, Stephanie, I'd agree with you... but we don't live in an ideal world, and that's not really how they're always used, is it? Both of them have a long and glorious history of meaning "How dare you assert a differing opinion?"

CyberLizard, you're going to have either get more nice of more eloquent if you want people to care what you have to say... or at least more creative.

Jason Thibeault said...

Funny, I happen to care more about what CyberLizard says than about what you say. But then, I don't count, since I've already fallen to your trolling like a guy in paintball already drenched in blue and orange.

Jason Thibeault said...

Additionally, DC and Stephanie, I humbly prostrate myself before you, my zen masters of troll counter-action.

CyberLizard said...

Thanks, Jason. When I grow up I hope to be as good at dealing with the trolls as they are. Hmmm... been almost 35 years now. When does this growing-up thing happen? LOL

D. C. said...

When I grow up I hope to be as good at dealing with the trolls as they are.

The first and only rule I know is "don't feed the trolls." Basic behavioral psych: extinction.

Hmmm... been almost 35 years now. When does this growing-up thing happen? LOL

When I get there I'll send postcards.

Growing up is like takeoffs; getting old is like landings.

Stephanie Zvan said...

Two corollaries: (1) You don't actually have to read everything they write once you've identified the dishonesty. (2) Everything they say that demands that you react is just part of the trolling, designed to use up your time.

rystefn said...

You don't have to read anything anyone writes ever, really... but mostly, people do anyway. Once they're already reading, most people will at least skim over pretty much anything you stick in front of them, even if they try not to.

DuWayne Brayton said...

How's this for creative?

rystefn -

Why don't you go try to suck yourself? While you're at it, do us a favor and break your fucking neck trying.

CyberLizard -

I suppose this means I can't despise pixar almost as much as I hate fucking disney anymore. That was pretty fucking cool...

Jason Thibeault said...

Pixar's always so filled with win, it cancels out anything negative I associate with Disney in my mind. Damn shame they've been in bed together for so long.

rystefn said...

Not terribly, DuWayne. I tried that once, and all I got was a backache, then I fell off the couch.